Life

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It doesn’t seem far but yet it’s so amazing. I think most of my life I was looking for a reason or purpose and of course love. Yet till recently I didn’t think

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I had any of that. I don’t think there is anything I haven’t been through. But out of everything getting cancer is the one thing that opened my eyes. When you’re faced with life or death it opens your eyes. Cancer is horrible the worse out of them all. I wouldn’t of changed it for anything. I am now a better mother and a better person because of it. I’m now unfortunately a single parent. I devoted my life to my kid’s and making them strong and successful. I found my meaning. The love was always there I just never knew it. There is no love stronger than a mother and her 4 children. Every hug every I love you means everything to me. They gave me the strength to keep fighting and most of all to keep living.

Happy New Years

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There is always something special about New year’s Eve. It’s time for change. Who doesn’t like change? I’m one who really tries to follow my resolution. Well at least the past couple year’s.  Three years ago I decided I need to focus on my children and my family. I must say I did it in full force. I guess kicking cancer a$$ can do that to you. Three years ago I recently became single also. Best time for change. I have not been on a date. I haven’t actually done much but be a mom. I loved the time with my kid’s and I must be doing something right. I have four kids. Kayleigh 14, Manny 13 and twins Emma & Nick 12. My two oldest are in honors and two youngest following behind. I’m one proud momma bear. But my New Year’s resolutions is to work on myself this year. It may be a little selfish but I think I need and deserve it. Hope everyone has a wonderful New Year!

My Cancer story

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I’m proud to say I am a cancer survior. I beat stage 4 throat and neck cancer. My 4 kid’s were my biggest supporters. It’s been 3 year’s cancer free. But everyday it’s still apart of our lives. I wish I could be rid of what it has done to our lives. It has made me permitted disabled from the side effects of the radation. It still effects our lives everyday. Because of the cancer I am now a single mom. My kids and I live in fear it will come back. Financially is horrific. Even being cancer free I still live with it everyday. Two weeks after I was diagnosed we found out my mother also had cancer. Sometimes I think she willed it on herself so I wouldn’t have to battle alone. Before she was dignosed she couldn’t look at me without crying. I was her baby even though I was 40 years old. We went through our treatments together. Even thow it was a horrible time it was some of the greatest memories I have with my mom. Unfortunately a month after our treatments she lost her battle. I miss her so much and would do anything to have her back. She was more then a mom she was my best friend. Towards the end she was hanging on with everything she had. I knew she was waiting to see that I was ok. The nurses told us she would say my name. The last night I seen her i wispered in her ear I was cancer free. She passed away the next day. I’m a mom and I hope and pray I have half her strength. It’s not easy expesally come into the hoilday season. I do what i can for my kid’s but not able to work it’s very limited and it brakes my heart. I’m blessed I have 4 kids and they are all amazing and work hard in school. I guess I’m doing something right. No matter how hard life gets or what is thrown you’re way you need to keep you’re head up and remember you’re still alive!! Right now that is good enough to keep me going. I’m here and get to watch my kid’s grow everyday.

Ground hog day

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Ground hog day

Sometimes life feels like that movie ground hog day. I feel as I wake up everyday and do the same thing over and over again. Yes I am a mom but I am also a fighter and a survivor I also wear the title of mom and dad. Yes I am a single parent so I’m blessed I get two jobs. but what I have been threw I am proud to be alive. I kicked the shit out of cancer. Yes I had stage 4 throat and neck cancer. The survivor rate for this cancer is high but the dam side effects last a life time. Which my kids actually like my lack of hearing because they can get away with saying things. Ok so far you know a bit about me and you know I like to rant lol. Here goes I am 40 years old I have 4 young children my oldest girl is Kayleigh 14 and neck is my first son Manny he is 12 and now for my twins Emma and Nick 11. I have had a hard life and I just trying to make it thru easch day. one day at a time. I hope you enjoy reading my blog!!!!